Hot Topic Friday: Dec. 6th

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Happy Friday! Here are my Dec. 6 Hot Topics and how they relate to advancing culture or leadership.

Hot Topic 1: Light from The Dark Side of the Holiday Season. 

Source: NYT opinion, Tish Harrison Warren.

What It’s About: Over the years, I’ve come to appreciate that the “holiday season” is quite stressful for many folks, and much of this shows up in the workplace. Tish Warren offers an explanation: “We suffer from a collective consumerist mania that demands we remain optimistic, shiny, happy and having fun, fun, fun... But life isn’t a Disney Cruise. The tyranny of relentless mandatory celebration leaves us exhausted and often, ironically, feeling emptier. Many of us suffer from ‘holiday blues,’ and I wonder whether this phenomenon is made worse by the incessant demand for cheer — the collective lie that through enough work and positivity, we can perfect our lives and our world.”

Why It’s Important: Perhaps it’s just my view, but people seem to be yearning for less not more. It’s like a plea for less of everything, except more genuine kindness and love. Perhaps Warren’s wisdom shows up here too: “Our response to the wrongness of the world (and of ourselves) can often be an unhealthy escapism, and we can turn to the holidays as anesthesia from pain as much as anything else. We need collective space, as a society, to grieve — to look long and hard at what is cracked and fractured in our world and in our lives. Only then can celebration become deep, rich and resonant, not as a saccharine act of delusion but as a defiant act of hope!” 

There is obviously no right or wrong way of feeling during the holiday season. Please don’t feel guilt or shame if everything doesn’t feel totally cheerful. Perhaps it’s a pathway towards a gratifying, defiant act of hope? 

One Millennial Response: Well, sigh, I’d like to be a little bit better of an emotional scientist here (see next topic), but I’m not sure Tish Warren is anyone’s favorite guest at the holiday party. Now we’ve found enough wrong with people’s well-intentioned spread of holiday cheer to write a whole New York Times op-ed about it? Of course we know that everything is not perfect, despite it being the “most wonderful time of the year.” But, escapism? Because we like to focus on extra amounts of positivity, even for the most miserable Scrooges and Grinch’s out there? Guys, of course the world can be dark and December doesn’t fix that, but I like to keep my Bah-Humbug’s to myself, and just appreciate everyone’s efforts to make the holiday season nice.

Hot Topic 2: Becoming Emotional Scientists.

Source: Mindshift/Yale School of Emotional Intelligence.

What It’s About: Our grandson was playing volleyball at Lakeside, one of the most prestigious prep schools in the Seattle area. (Bill Gates is a notable alum). I went to use the school restroom, and by the mirror was a notice for who to call if one is considering self-harm. That stunned me. When I was in middle school, my biggest concern was acne. This article scarily notes: “American youths now rank in the bottom quarter among developed nations in well-being and life satisfaction, according to a report by UNICEF. Research shows that our youths have stress levels that surpass those of adults. Our teenagers are now world leaders in violence, binge drinking, marijuana use, and obesity. More than half of college students experience overwhelming anxiety, and a third report intense depression. And over the last two decades, there has been a 28-percent increase in our suicide rate.”  I’m not sure what the data is in Canada and elsewhere, but this has to make us seriously pause. What the hell is going on? This is unacceptable. What do we do about it?

Why It’s Important: The answer is painfully obvious that we cannot ignore this. And obviously we can’t hire thousands of psychologists/psychiatrists for interventions. The Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence has identified talents needed to become what they’ve termed as  “emotion scientists,” and the five skills to get there. They emphasize the need to: “1. Recognize our own emotions and those of others, not just in the things we think, feel, and say but in facial expressions, body language, vocal tones, and other nonverbal signals. 2. Understand those feelings and determine their source — what experiences actually caused them — and then see how they’ve influenced our behaviors. 3. Label emotions with a nuanced vocabulary. 4. Express our feelings in accordance with cultural norms and social contexts in a way that tries to inform and invites empathy from the listener. 5. Regulate emotions, rather than letting them regulate us finding practical strategies for dealing with what we and others feel.” The challenge we have regarding future workers is not content skill, but emotional skills. We should invest in all becoming emotional scientists.

I’m going to read Marc Brackett’s “Permission to Feel,” and see if I can get better at this. We can all take small steps. We must feed ourselves and our children with emotional nutrition. 

One Millennial Response: Yeah, those statistics are a real shame. I’m far from a psychiatrist or therapist, but I would assume that if these five techniques start in the home, from the guardians and family members we trust/love most, that’s the foundation needed to override any lack of emotional scientists one may encounter at work, school, and the real world.

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And finally! Here’s Cecil’s Bleat of the Week!

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“Remember that if you really want to motivate yourself, love is more powerful than fear.” - Kristin Neff.

Bye for now!

— Lorne Rubis

Incase you Missed It:

My latest Lead In podcast.  

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Season 3 of Culture Cast. 

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