Why the 'Conversation is the Relationship'

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I’ve blogged about the significance of author Susan Scott's phrase, “the conversation is the relationship.” I’ve been struck by the importance of applying the principle: Connect Before Content. Advancing authentic personal connection is the core of our culture and leadership practice.

Research by University of Chicago’s, Nicolas Epley, and colleagues suggests that people might be putting up more artificial barriers on the assumption that we resist deeper conversations:

“You might feel nervous before starting a deeper conversation with someone you barely know; yet, once you do, you might actually enjoy digging a little deeper than you typically do… The broader takeaway of our work is that these miscalibrated expectations can lead many people to be not quite social enough for their own good and the well-being of others.

Having deeper conversations joins a growing list of opportunities for social engagement—including expressing gratitude, sharing compliments, reaching out, and talking to an old friend—that end up feeling a lot better than we might think.”

Too often, I find the workplace missing opportunities to have the right conversations at the right time. Meetings can end without people talking about what matters. The real convo occurs outside the elevator, after the gathering adjourns. Why?

Authenticity leads to greater connection. When people identify common bridges through this exchange, they usually can accelerate problem solving and innovation.

It’s okay to dig in with each other a little more in the workplace. This does not mean crossing personal boundaries. Of course, we have to set disclosure limits we are comfortable with. However, most of us have access to the weather apps on our phone, so we can skip the forecast talk. And we’re all busy, so we can get by without confirming that fact. That being said, understanding how we’re feeling about things and why, are evergreen opportunities to connect more deeply. After all, “the conversation is the relationship.” Connect before getting into the content!

Think Big, Start Small, Act Now,

Lorne

One Millennial View: I’m genuinely curious how many of our readers find an “ick” with spending time connecting, and co-worker conversations. What’s the hurdle? Discomfort? Apathy? I wonder if many employees (especially millennials and younger) are indifferent to, or avoid workplace connection, because after all, a more controlled, comfortable, bespoke “connection” always exists somewhere on our phones.

- Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Why the 'Conversation is the Relationship'

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