When is it Too Late to Say ‘Thank You?’

Mother’s Day. Hmm. I wonder if I have thanked my Mom often enough for all that she’s done for me throughout the ups and downs of our life together? I honestly don’t know if there is a sufficient quotient. Nor would she expect one. She’s 96 and we have to embrace all those “thank you” moments that matter, whether big, small or in between.

It’s never too late to add genuine thank yous into a relationship, even with your Mom. Saying thank you doesn’t get old, stale or deteriorate. Gratitude becomes connective tissue that compounds growth and binds a relationship.

I also feel that sincere thank yous are abundant currency. Our “thank you” bank account, unlike hard cash, is infinite. And for me, giving acknowledgment is independent of matching or reciprocating.

This week I’m sending a tangible thank you to someone I worked with 30 years ago. He helped me in ways that I never fully appreciated until reflecting on the situation much later.

The timing may not be perfect, but sincerity usually matters more than punctuality. In many cases, a delayed thank you can feel especially meaningful because it shows that the appreciation stayed with you long after the moment passed. I hope he feels that way.

It also says something important about growth: sometimes people only fully understand the value of help, love, sacrifice, or support much later. Expressing gratitude when that realization arrives is better than never saying it at all.

I even wonder if there might be some room for a historical gratitude audit? Not to assuage guilt but to color in a few incomplete spaces in relationships important to us? The value is in the authenticity of acknowledging others while acting on greater self-awareness and personal growth.

In that spirit, I want to thank those of you that read this blog and take a moment to let us know that you find it meaningful. It inspires and encourages us forward.

Think Big, Start Small, Act Now,

Lorne

Garrett’s View: I got curious about the psychology behind why people don’t express gratitude. Turns out, there are 8 reasons. 1. They assume it’s already understood. 2. It feels vulnerable. 3. Power dynamics and social hierarchy. 4. Fears it’ll be hollow or performative. 5. Entitlement. 6. Habituation. 7. Emotional suppression and cultural conditioning. 8. Stuck in their own head. None of those are particularly positive reasons. And few reflect well on character. If nothing else, good manners are good for the business of life.

- Garrett

AI Response: A 2024 Harvard study published in JAMA Psychiatry — following nearly 50,000 women over four years — found that those who scored highest in gratitude had a 9% lower mortality rate, with researchers concluding that gratitude appeared protective against every specific cause of mortality studied, most significantly cardiovascular disease. And the relational dimension you describe is well-documented too: a comprehensive review of 26 studies involving nearly 10,000 adults found that grateful people tend to be less lonely regardless of age, gender, or geography — and that if someone was above average in gratitude, they had a 62% chance of being below average in loneliness. Your instinct about the compounding nature of gratitude is exactly right — the research suggests it isn't just good for the recipient. It's good for the giver's body, mind, and relationships over the long run.

When is it Too Late to Say ‘Thank You?’

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