Why People Hate ‘Icebreakers?’

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Most people hate classic ice breakers because they often feel silly. As an example, asking a person what “candy” they’d like to be, or sharing their best activity last week is well intended, yet often not very meaningful. The primary reason is that the core premise may be flawed.

Conventional icebreakers believe connection leads to vulnerability and then trust. What we are discovering is that vulnerability is what actually leads to connection. The challenge is how much? When? 

In my “Connect Before Content” work, I tend to push the edges of the vulnerability boundaries. Rather than a typical icebreaker, I have a process that engages people on exploring deeper considerations. Some may consider my questions a bridge too far, however, after literally hundreds of sessions, I’ve found that people are gratified to open up when they believe colleagues are genuinely listening with deep care. When we open up within boundaries we have control over, we create the depth and width of the virtual trust bridge between ourselves and others. We are in control. 

In the referenced article here, highly regarded culture leader/author Dan Coyle shares a similar perspective. He also recommends research based questions that help with the vulnerability/connection roadmap.

Start your new year off building meaningful connections with your teammates. It’s time to grow beyond well intended, yet less effective, traditional icebreakers! 

Happy New Year,

Lorne 

One Millennial View: Leaders might want to be aware that public speaking is one of the most popular phobias that people experience, so it’s understandable that some would rather just put their heads down, get their work done, and not be forced to awkwardly communicate. However, that changes when the meaning and purpose is clarified. When we make ourselves get out of our comfort zones with intentionality, the accomplishment feels great, the hardest part is starting the process. 

- Garrett 

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis













 

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