You Are REALLY Starting to Bug Me!

What It’s About: These days it seems increasingly more difficult to separate the concepts of work and life. One of my 10 Elements for building extraordinary and adaptive cultures is “Personal Equity.” While explaining that element, I emphasize that we are talking less about work-life balance, and much more about work-life integration. And the unexpected “sheltering in” we are ALL experiencing is putting a brighter spotlight on this notion. So what? Well, because much of this is unplanned, we may be starting to get on each other’s nerves a bit? It is totally understandable. However, very few of us have any real experience or a framework for how to navigate being constantly underfoot.

  1. Anna Goldfarb’s recent NYT article addressed this topic. An excerpt: “I often tell people, ‘your partner isn’t the problem. The problem is the problem,’ said Kiaundra Jackson, a marriage and family therapist. Forced isolation with the same people for weeks on end is offering us a crash course in communication. None of us are perfect at expressing our feelings all the time, but we can all try to be better when conflict does happen. Of course, it’s understandable if you’ve found yourself with a shorter fuse lately. Even the most serene among us are dealing with frayed nerves, waves of panic and unyielding stress — without an end in sight. While there’s potential for more squabbles at home, there’s also an opportunity to meet challenges your household is facing as a team.” 

So What Can We Do? We need to give ourselves a little break. Self-compassion is important. Also, similar tensions may arise with work mates who we’re spending more time than usual with on Zoom or other platforms. The following is a guideline set of actions based on the insight of numerous family therapists and psychologists. 

Before The Dispute Erupts: 

  1. Embrace a team mind-set.

  2. Have difficult conversations sooner rather than later.

  3. Negotiate ways to maximize your time and space.

When tension is building: 

  1. Carefully raise issues.

  2. Develop a shared language for checking in.

When you’re angry:

  1. Accept it’s happening.

  2. Take a time out.

  3. Assume responsibility for your emotions.

How to reconcile: 

  1. Clear the air.

  2. Talk about the future.

  3. If you’re overwhelmed, seek guidance.

Wow! I think I'm a reasonably capable communicator, AND I can tell you that I really need to apply a framework like this in my integrated home/work. Please read the entire article for the full insight. And let’s remember blame is waste and these are very unusual circumstances. Our emotions are fully understandable and allowed, (even when they might be bigger than usual), and we will make it through together. 

Note: This is obviously not a guideline or formula where someone’s personal safety (physical or psychological) is at risk. That requires serious professional intervention. 

Be Kind, Be Compassionate, Be Forgiving… With Yourself First,

Lorne 

One Millennial View: You’ve likely heard the adage, “family and guests are like fish, after three days they start to stink.” Well guys, we might be marinating in an ocean’s worth of microwaved seafood products at this point, and unfortunately there’s no throwing it out. On the brightside, think about how easy Thanksgiving is going to be in the future. You’ll be able to spend one measly week with anybody! 

- Garrett 

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis








 

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